Love. What exactly is love anyways? This is the question Ive wanted an answer to for years now. When I ask married couples "How did you know he/she was the right one?", they reply with the seemingly simple answer "I just knew"...like, thanks?
This world has defined love as sex. People even throw around this four letter word as if they honestly know the real meaning of it saying things like "Omg I love him" after knowing the person for a week. Lets be real kid, you dont love him...you just think hes hot. Love...love is more than that, at least I know that much. Why is love so complicated? or is it really just as simple as "you just know" and Im over-thinking this? I wish there were a check list for love...
The young innocence in thinking your going to marry them one day. Still getting those butterflies after a decade. Fights only strengthening your friendship. Sitting in silence for hours enjoying their presence. Sacrifice. Unspeakable joy. Denying the possibility of love then something happens and youre reminded of it. Cant picture yourself with anyone else. The look in his eyes. His heart. Always wanting to spend time with him. Wanting to be a part of his family. Would do anything for him. He means so much to you. He is the one. You just know.
Denial. Denial. Denial.
...Is that love?
Friday, November 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
My Heart
Recently, I have been very greatful for the desires God has put on my heart. They aren't dirty, lustful desires...they are pure desires from my heart. If there were only a few things I would want people to know about me, these would be it. It seems silly saying it, but this would be my fantasy conversation on the perfect date.
My biggest passion and love (besides God) is art. I cant even explain how my heart dances and emotions soar when I walk into a home goods store, design center, or clothing boutique. The colors, the touch of a material, patterns, lighting...everything. I cant even fathom the thought of not falling inlove with art, not being turned on by it. Honesty, I could (and have) spent hours in stores like Home Depot, Joanne Fabrics, Pat Catans, and every fashion store. My desire is to spend my life after college either in an interior design firm, or designing fashion or home products (like curtains or lighting fixtures).
Reading. I.LOVE.reading. Reading is how I escape from my problems and the worlds evil. The perfect day for me is a quiet house, snuggled up on the couch reading a good book, and eating m&ms. Because when this happens...life becomes a little more bearable.
I have also recently developed a love for helping and sheparding the young people in the church life. I dont even think Ive come to realize how much the older church girls had cared for and about me. Its more evident now as Im older, all of us college girls bonding and caring so much more about each other than before. Ive come to notice, however, that its not only my friends who need me, its the younger girls who need me to be a friend to them as well. I remember when I was their age, how I felt so loved when an older girl took time out of her day to ask me how I was doing or even hang out with me! Younger girls used to be such an annoyance to me, but now seeing it from their point of view, they need me. They need all of us older girls. God's given me the gift to connect and relate to people and I believe He's lead me to take care of these younger girls.
Family. It really bothers me when people dont have an appreciation for family. Family is the people God stuck in your life to become your best friends. Sure, not all of my family is christian..but does that stop me from loving them and spending time with them? no. My aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins are amazing. We dont get along all the time, but I know if anyone broke my heart, theyd be on him in half a second. Theyve got my back and Ive got theirs.
Another very strong desire of mine (as well as every other female on this planet) is to be longed for. I always thought it was a shame to be wanted, to be desired after. Reading this book Captivating has told me otherwise. God Himself desires to be longed for...we were made in His image and likeness so obviously we have that desire as well. This world advertises relationships like its no big deal. Is there anyone out there who thinks differently as I do? Relationships arent something to jump into, arent just there for us to give us something to do...relationships are precious. If we humans were without flaw, we would realize that there is only one significant other for us. But so many of us, myself included, have fallen into the trap of dating more than one person trying to find our significant other. Am I saying that going on dates is bad? no. But guard your heart. I have to be reminded of this constantly. Just because I long for my significant other doesnt mean I should go throwing myself at guys and freely giving away pieces of my heart...by the time he does come, there wont be anymore of my heart to give to him. My desire is that he would fall inlove with me for my personality, my heart, and for my love of God.
After human love and marriage comes children. I long for children...but not children of my own. I want to adopt. Sure, it would be pretty cool to see if my own biological kids looked like me or got my traits, but I just dont have that "motherly instinct" to physically have kids of my own. The way God has spoken to me is that plenty of women out there have their own children. But their are also those women who have kids them either put them up for adoption or they get sent to orphanages. Why would I give birth to kids and leave other children without a home or a loving family? I want to be able to provide a home and family for at least four children. God set that on my heart as the minimum number. If He provides or says otherwise, Ill adopt more. It really pains me when people critisize my idea to adopt. I get responses like "oh no trust me, youll want your own kids"...and it hurts. I dont want my own kids, I want to adopt. Is that so wrong? If God put this desire on my heart then so be it. If He tells me to have my own kids one day instead of adopting, so be it. But for now, my heart belongs to all the broken hearted children without a parent.
My biggest passion and love (besides God) is art. I cant even explain how my heart dances and emotions soar when I walk into a home goods store, design center, or clothing boutique. The colors, the touch of a material, patterns, lighting...everything. I cant even fathom the thought of not falling inlove with art, not being turned on by it. Honesty, I could (and have) spent hours in stores like Home Depot, Joanne Fabrics, Pat Catans, and every fashion store. My desire is to spend my life after college either in an interior design firm, or designing fashion or home products (like curtains or lighting fixtures).
Reading. I.LOVE.reading. Reading is how I escape from my problems and the worlds evil. The perfect day for me is a quiet house, snuggled up on the couch reading a good book, and eating m&ms. Because when this happens...life becomes a little more bearable.
I have also recently developed a love for helping and sheparding the young people in the church life. I dont even think Ive come to realize how much the older church girls had cared for and about me. Its more evident now as Im older, all of us college girls bonding and caring so much more about each other than before. Ive come to notice, however, that its not only my friends who need me, its the younger girls who need me to be a friend to them as well. I remember when I was their age, how I felt so loved when an older girl took time out of her day to ask me how I was doing or even hang out with me! Younger girls used to be such an annoyance to me, but now seeing it from their point of view, they need me. They need all of us older girls. God's given me the gift to connect and relate to people and I believe He's lead me to take care of these younger girls.
Family. It really bothers me when people dont have an appreciation for family. Family is the people God stuck in your life to become your best friends. Sure, not all of my family is christian..but does that stop me from loving them and spending time with them? no. My aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins are amazing. We dont get along all the time, but I know if anyone broke my heart, theyd be on him in half a second. Theyve got my back and Ive got theirs.
Another very strong desire of mine (as well as every other female on this planet) is to be longed for. I always thought it was a shame to be wanted, to be desired after. Reading this book Captivating has told me otherwise. God Himself desires to be longed for...we were made in His image and likeness so obviously we have that desire as well. This world advertises relationships like its no big deal. Is there anyone out there who thinks differently as I do? Relationships arent something to jump into, arent just there for us to give us something to do...relationships are precious. If we humans were without flaw, we would realize that there is only one significant other for us. But so many of us, myself included, have fallen into the trap of dating more than one person trying to find our significant other. Am I saying that going on dates is bad? no. But guard your heart. I have to be reminded of this constantly. Just because I long for my significant other doesnt mean I should go throwing myself at guys and freely giving away pieces of my heart...by the time he does come, there wont be anymore of my heart to give to him. My desire is that he would fall inlove with me for my personality, my heart, and for my love of God.
After human love and marriage comes children. I long for children...but not children of my own. I want to adopt. Sure, it would be pretty cool to see if my own biological kids looked like me or got my traits, but I just dont have that "motherly instinct" to physically have kids of my own. The way God has spoken to me is that plenty of women out there have their own children. But their are also those women who have kids them either put them up for adoption or they get sent to orphanages. Why would I give birth to kids and leave other children without a home or a loving family? I want to be able to provide a home and family for at least four children. God set that on my heart as the minimum number. If He provides or says otherwise, Ill adopt more. It really pains me when people critisize my idea to adopt. I get responses like "oh no trust me, youll want your own kids"...and it hurts. I dont want my own kids, I want to adopt. Is that so wrong? If God put this desire on my heart then so be it. If He tells me to have my own kids one day instead of adopting, so be it. But for now, my heart belongs to all the broken hearted children without a parent.
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