Open Handed

    God knows exactly what I need every time. Today concluded yet again another wonderful fall college retreat out at Ashland. My whole semester up to this weekend was stressful and awful. I felt like I had turned into a zombie: wake up, go to class, go to work, do homework...repeat. Through this I managed to somewhat stick close to the Lord, which definitely saved me from chaining myself to death. I went into the conference this weekend with high expectations, looking forward to all the Lord had planned, yet still wrestled with some difficult things. 

    The theme, if you will, of the conference this weekend was "working out your own salvation". Once you touch the Lord for the first time and get saved, what will you do? will you go back to the life you were living, making some minor changes? or will you put 110% into living for God? God doesnt want half-hearted christians following Him just when they feel like it. It really is the most important decision in a believer's life. And it's not easy either way. But I chose the second, following God whole-heartedly. 

    But that doesnt mean people who choose the later dont struggle with anything, in fact I think we struggle sometimes more. I was wrestling with fear of the future, frustration in friendships, emotions erupting from nothing, and lack of motivation. Now the two steps they mentioned in 'working out salvation' were these: 1. Know that God is working in you and 2. Just let go. 

    Just let go? Yes, God desires us to live an "open handed" life. They explained it to us like this: God give us something and we hold onto it so tightly that it makes it hard to give us anything else. Whether it be friendships that we hold onto too tightly or if it be talents or any blessing. And it makes sense. Who wants to open their hands and let God potentially take away a blessing He's given? Here's the thing though, if you do open your hands and let God freely give and take and if He takes away, He will give you more...things even better than the one you were clinging to. 

    And that was my dilemma. God had blessed me with certain friendships that meant so much to me. Things started changing and I got pretty upset over it, not wanting to lose the blessing I had. It took me awhile, but I realized this weekend that if I kept struggling to keep it I would eventually lose it altogether. As hard as it is for me to trust, I know God wants to give me something even better. 

    More happened during the weekend that I was touched by but this impacted me the most. Another, yet more firm, reminder that God has a beautiful plan for my life and I just have to learn to completely let go and trust Him even more.