Mixtape

Theyve made me feel like a prisoner...theyve dragged me down back to where I began
So I pray God, would You make this stop...Father please hold on to me Youre all Ive got
Come just as you are to me don't need apologies...Know that you are worthy
God, Your voice is the only thing I need to hear
You are my hiding place

Carry me now from my sinking sand to Your solid ground
You can heal the heartache, speak over the fear
I can hear your heart reaching for me now
Let go and just be free, I will love you unconditionally
My soul will rest in Your embrace 


Theres a cry in my heart, for Your presence to fill up my senses
Lord I need You, every hour I need you
I need Your perfect love, I need Your discipline 
Theres a yearning again...a hunger for things that are deeper
Could you take me beyond?

Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Im offering up my life- a living sacrifice
Let my words be life, let my words be truth
Come search my heart and purify my life
So teach my song to rise to you, when temptation comes my way
Lord, please keep making me

I lift my hands cuz You set me free
You are more than my words could ever say
Falling inlove and seeking Your truth
I am Yours and you are mine
Not for a moment will You forsake me
You are Lord over all my days

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I decided to try something new, yet again. I wanted to post one last time this year on how my relationship with the Lord has drastically changed from the beginning of my freshman year in college to now, so I took lyrics from different songs to form something which reflects these past three semesters.

Though my life plan, friendships, and my relationship with Him have changed, He is the one and only thing in my life that has remained the same. Ive learned I cannot rely on people or the world to satisfy me, to comfort me. I can rely on Christ. When everyone and everything disappears He will be the one thing remaining. I love that because I have attachment issues. I get close to someone, they leave. I get close to someone, I leave. I pursue a friendship, it doesnt last. I run away from God, He chases me down and proves over and over that He will not leave...ever. He is nothing like any human Ive met. He is perfect. He is everything I need. And how did I get to this point in my life? well that is a long story...lets just say heartache and disappointment finally found hope and truth.

arent You

me and You 

or you and me

or Both

you tear me down

You build me up

to independence 

apart from you

but yet

my heart still longs

for you

waits

aches

to fill

where you should be

or You

but why

do i need you

when i have

You

my One

my All

my Everything

isnt enough

why

do i need 

you

Open Handed

    God knows exactly what I need every time. Today concluded yet again another wonderful fall college retreat out at Ashland. My whole semester up to this weekend was stressful and awful. I felt like I had turned into a zombie: wake up, go to class, go to work, do homework...repeat. Through this I managed to somewhat stick close to the Lord, which definitely saved me from chaining myself to death. I went into the conference this weekend with high expectations, looking forward to all the Lord had planned, yet still wrestled with some difficult things. 

    The theme, if you will, of the conference this weekend was "working out your own salvation". Once you touch the Lord for the first time and get saved, what will you do? will you go back to the life you were living, making some minor changes? or will you put 110% into living for God? God doesnt want half-hearted christians following Him just when they feel like it. It really is the most important decision in a believer's life. And it's not easy either way. But I chose the second, following God whole-heartedly. 

    But that doesnt mean people who choose the later dont struggle with anything, in fact I think we struggle sometimes more. I was wrestling with fear of the future, frustration in friendships, emotions erupting from nothing, and lack of motivation. Now the two steps they mentioned in 'working out salvation' were these: 1. Know that God is working in you and 2. Just let go. 

    Just let go? Yes, God desires us to live an "open handed" life. They explained it to us like this: God give us something and we hold onto it so tightly that it makes it hard to give us anything else. Whether it be friendships that we hold onto too tightly or if it be talents or any blessing. And it makes sense. Who wants to open their hands and let God potentially take away a blessing He's given? Here's the thing though, if you do open your hands and let God freely give and take and if He takes away, He will give you more...things even better than the one you were clinging to. 

    And that was my dilemma. God had blessed me with certain friendships that meant so much to me. Things started changing and I got pretty upset over it, not wanting to lose the blessing I had. It took me awhile, but I realized this weekend that if I kept struggling to keep it I would eventually lose it altogether. As hard as it is for me to trust, I know God wants to give me something even better. 

    More happened during the weekend that I was touched by but this impacted me the most. Another, yet more firm, reminder that God has a beautiful plan for my life and I just have to learn to completely let go and trust Him even more. 

Why Now?

    I have heard numerous older adults say that my generation wants everything now. Now now now. Graduating in 4 years isn't fast enough, we speed because we need to get places faster, we have no patience, even fast food isn't "fast enough". Yes, I am guilty of this but I never once thought it had anything to do with my generation, I just thought God created another impatient human being...until now. I don't blame my generation entirely for my lack of patience, but I do see the effects it's had on me.
    Usually after graduating high school kids go off to college, I was no exception. Most go for a four year degree, smart people go for higher degrees, and the impatient people go for two year degrees- that's me. Why go waste four years when I only needed two? For what? So I could get a job faster than everyone else. For what? To start making enough money. For what? To pay the bills. What bills? Big girl bills- the ones meaning I live on my own and have my own car. For what? To have the status of a real, independent, stable, woman. For what? I DON'T KNOW FOR WHAT ANYMORE!
    Why do I need a degree now? Why do I need to live on my own now? Why do I need to accomplish everything now?
    That was my life up until a week ago. I was sick of living my fast-pace life, not enjoying the blessings of the present. At first I thought it was laziness until I remembered what everyone's been saying about my generation.
    Two days ago I went on a field trip to this wood place, of which I had to drive for 30 minutes on the back country roads to get there. About 98% of the employees there were Amish. Did I actually learn anything about wood on the field trip? Sure, about 2% of what the guy was saying because it was so loud. But I think the bigger lesson I learned was simplicity. I know it's stupid, but just seeing what the Amish boys wore (plain shirt, pants, shoes...nothing fancy) and seeing how little they cared about what they wore (in a good way) just made me realize how messed up and embellished this world has become...in our jobs, what we wear to our jobs, the interiors of our homes, the cars we drive, the list goes on and on.
    Even our education system has inflated. Did you know that Amish kids don't get educated past the eighth grade? Now that you know that you're probably thinking that their IQ's are extremely low and they aren't smart right? So not true. The man giving the tour at the wood company told us that one of the Amish boys invented some wood machine using concepts in his mind, they built it and now some major company wants to buy the idea and patent it!
    That got me thinking, if some Amish kid can invent a huge machine with an eighth grade education, why is there all this hype about getting a college degree? Ok no, I'm not dropping out of college but I will take my time getting my two year degree...yes, I plan on taking 3+ years to obtain it. And you want to know what else I plan on doing? (God willing), I want to get married by 22, travel with my husband on and off for 3 years, then settle down, have kids and get a full time job. Realistic? probably not. But hey, it's my dream and it's better than the impatient one I was living.

My God...My God

Its been a while since Ive written on here, mainly because Ive had writers block...or whatever you call it. Too much crammed in my mind yet I couldn't get a word out. Wow, well let me just say this summer has been incredible. But no, this post isn't about my summer. Actually, Ill be writing about something very sober, raw pain recently exposed and bitterness added. Actually, all of my posts are pretty serious...oops!

Lets just say, I don't have the ideal family situation. Sure, on the outside we look like a perfectly happy, energetic, fun-loving family. And we are. But that surface layer masks pain, wounds, and damage. Im sorry, I shouldn't complain. Yes, I have a financially stable family, food to eat, and God-loving parents. But my past is what it is and has left its scars.

I came across a song a few years ago that sums up my past (the way I felt it) perfectly. Its called 7x70 by Chris August. I wont post every lyric but here are the ones that have been poking the sore spots lately:

"They've heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They've had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart  [...]

[...] Just when I'm supposed to be learning to love
 you let me doubt again"

For the longest time I blamed my parents for our lack of relationship. Needless to say, the people I needed the most weren't there for me when I was crying out in desperation. As Britt Nicole's song phrases it:

"I remember the moment
I remember the pain
I was only a girl
But I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom
So alone
I was doing my best
Trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You"

My God...my God. In those aching days, He was no longer "my parents God" rather, He became my personal Savior. My friends even disappointed me; they didn't supply each want, each need. They couldn't give me peace in raging storms. They didn't listen to every word, catch every tear, love me with every ounce of their being. No, but my God did.

Fast forward to this summer, vision week. Probably one of the most intense weeks Ive ever been through. On top of 2 long meetings each day and study groups, I proceeded to read a book that, lets say...made me think of my Christian life/God in a different way of which I haven't fully accepted yet. So this challenge was upon me, eating at me rather and what did I do? Run. Avoid. Deny. How could this author make out my God to be someone completely...different?...than the Savior Hes been in my life? (Ok, right now youre probably thinking this is an atheist book or something...I promise its not. I just couldn't comprehend certain things.)

Rewind back to my high school days. God sovereignly brought me to the realization that my damaged relationship with my parents wasn't fully because of them...mainly, it was because of me and my hardened heart. I still to this day don't know why I was an awful child, rebelling against every word they spoke. And to this day I don't know why Im quick to anger. But from then to now, Gods done some miraculous work in my heart. Once again, Chris hit it spot on:

"7 times 70 times
I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way [...]

[...] I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times
You weren't around
I'm all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing
Left to do
And that's forgive you

I forgive you"

So there. All's forgiven, life is good, lets move on. NOPE! Vision week remains a blur in my mind but for some reason I became bitter after that week. Things were happening in my life that made me question God once again. Nothing was going right, did He even care about me anymore? Ok...if He was the God described in the book, I seriously thought about my decision to pursue Him.

Then God, in His own sense of humor, played Chris's song in my car today...my God story replayed in 3 minutes and 58 seconds.

Forget that author and his stupid opinions! Ok...that's harsh. But I know my God. Maybe Gods working differently in that authors life...so it doesn't mean I have to take every little thing to heart.

Because how could I forget my Savior, my Healer, my God...the one who taught me to love again?

A Work in Progress

This summer has been a big step forward in my walk with Christ; being a group leader for both Junior High Camp and Mountain Top has definitely pushed me.

At JHC I relearned the seemingly simple things that were implanted in me growing up in a Christian home:
    1. Learning how to hear the Lords speaking
    2. "An idol is anything that takes the place of or comes before God in your heart
    3. Constantly be turning to your Spirit
    4. God doesn't look at the outward appearance, He looks at the heart (a hard concept for me to grasp)
    5. Don't conform to what everyone else is doing just to fit in
    6. Size and ability don't matter, all you need is the Lord and His word.
    7. Rely and trust in the Lord in every situation and He can make the impossible possible
    8. No longer is it about me, to serve means to lay your life down for others

In between JHC and Mt Top, certain things happened that forced me to realize that I am unable to do anything apart from Him. I have no control over anything. I cant fix things. See, this is a problem because when somethings wrong, I fix it. A friends angry, I am the listening ear. A friends crying, I comfort them. A friends at a loss of what to do, I give them advice. My version of "giving it to Him" meant "Ill fix it, Lord give me strength to do so". Through these certain things, however, God used them to make me surrender and trust in Him completely, 100%. 

Then as if I wasn't struggling with this enough, I was thrown into being a group leader at Mt Top. Don't get me wrong, my five girls were so good...yet my heart wasn't prepared, wasn't stable with God. Again, He used this opportunity for me to learn to surrender all over again.

The thing I was convicted of the most though was asking God what He wants. I had my life together. I knew what I wanted and I was chasing after it. It never once occurred to me to ask God what He wanted...what His will for me was. Talk about a life changing event. And talk about being terrified. Ever since that night, I haven't felt peace. I asked Him but He hasn't responded yet. My impatient heart keeps me up at night, wondering if Im even accomplishing His will at all. What if I got it all wrong? My minds telling me one thing, my friends are telling me things, and my parents are telling me things. God, what do You want?

Imperfections

So lately, Gods been revealing a LOT of my imperfections to me. But you see, I asked Him to do this. I know Im not the person who I was made to be...I still have to be perfected by Christ. Logically, I dont know why I asked Him to do this...spiritually, I knew it had to be done. I was getting to the point where I thought I was someone good...that I deserved the glory for all of my accomplishments. Simply put, my ego was getting pretty big. Maybe not outwardly, but inwardly I was really proud of how far Ive come and all the good Ive produced. Seriously, it makes me sick thinking about it now.

Usually when I blog, I post my revelation to the problem too. Well, I havent had one yet. In all honesty, I am at a loss of what to do. I dont know what "give Him all the glory" means yet.

Ive been convicted, I feel it everyday. And maybe thats the first step and God will continue to perfect me. It frustrates me not knowing what to do next or how to fix this. Maybe God wants me to wait on Him and realize that Hes the only one that can do the perfecting.

All I desire is the purest heart for the Lord...why is it so hard though? I go strong then the devil throws something in my path to side-track me. I HATE how weak Ive become. Its times like these when I see how much I really do need the Lord. But even the simple task of turning to Him has become a burden.

I need to turn. I need to trust. I need faith. I need strength. I just need Him.

Discovery

It just occured to me today, something intriguing actually; you think other people are complicated, hard to understand? Try fully understanding yourself. That alone is a challenge.
 
So heres what i realized about myself today: I like to prove my mind wrong. Most people, when they conclude something about themselves, it stays...they dont change. They claim "I was born this way" or "thats just who I am". Me? I thought I was like that too. I mean, sure, we all like to change our flaws, but what about the positive traits? or ones that are "just there"?

After participating in multiple sports that included running, I declared my self physically unable to run after horrible experiences. After a lap around the track (1/4 of a mile), my lungs would give out, my head would pound, and the taste of blood coated my throat. I am that pathetic. For three years I accepted the fact that I wasnt a runner. Did it bother me? No, not at all...it was something I came to accept, I didnt really care otherwise. Voices didnt taunt me at night because I couldnt run. Why did I need to run anyways? Where was the benefit of doing it? Needless to say, I was fine with my conclusion...

until last week. I was bored one day and decided to challenge myself. Challenge the fact set in stone in my mind- I wasnt a runner. No other reason, thats all...I was bored. I like a good challenge. So thats when it began: the challenge to become a runner. Why I wanted to do this, I have no logical answer.

Or another example from a year ago- I hated writing, and I accepted the fact that I wasnt a writer. Well, again, I wanted to challenge myself because I was bored. So I began writing and look at me now...I love writing!

Oh the stupid things you do when youre bored...seriously, who takes on that challenge of proving themselves wrong? Apparently I do. What can I say, you learn new things about yourself everyday.

Confessions

I hold my identity in my outward appearance. 

How I dress, no not just one aspect of my outfit-all of it: first, the 'made-for-me' shirt...then the right jeans, picking the correct shade of blue, or depending on the day Ill go with leggings...a matching cami placed not too high, not too low, under the shirt above the neckline...socks or nude tights to coordinate with the rest of the outfit...shoes based on occasion and color scheme of the outfit...my piercings, studs or dangles also depending on the occasion...glasses or contacts, contacts usually...right down to the minor details of my hair-straight, wavy, curly, up, down, half-up...and lastly the body spray scent and nail polish color.

My dress usually matches my personality of that day. Wait, but who am I? The perfectionist I am claims to be a little bit of everything: rebel, artsy, athletic, church-y, fashion-savy, outdoors-y, nerd, conformist, professional, unique...creating a well-rounded, seemingly perfect human being. But maybe thats also because I enjoy doing different things: I like fishing, creating art, shopping, reading, writing, sleeping, taking pictures, playing sports, tanning, organizing, eating, going to church, befriending people, watching Chuck, and being independent.

Recently, Ive started defining myself on my body shape. Im short and skinny, but when I look in the mirror I see a fat, unhealthy mess. Sure maybe I have a good metabolism, but I want to be fit. I want to be perfect. So I developed an obsession with running hoping that one day Ill perfect my health and athletic ability.

Ive never been an A+ student. My grades in high school were decent. Some how I tested into Honors English in college which ultimately drove me to become the perfect student. And I was first semester- 4.0 GPA. Second semester, tougher than the first, pushed me to obsess over my grades, checking Blackboard every night, praying that the -3 points on my last test wouldnt plummet my GPA.

I also have a minor obsession with being the best friend I can be. One might see that as a pure asset, but in my mind, its a competition. Truely and honestly, I really do love and care for every single one of my friends. But I want to be "that" friend..."the" friend. The best friend that people go to for everything and only that person for really important, deep things.

Being a believer, I was taught that no one should define themselves by their outward appearance or good deeds they do for show. We should define ourselves by Christ inside of us, in our hearts. My heart-I love people, I really do. I love spending time with people, caring for people, listening to people, and helping people. But my mind is consumed with the thought that my outward, physical appearance is more important that all of that. Though God has worked in my heart on this matter, sometimes I still initially judge strangers based on their physical appearance and earthly things too.

My problems confessed, I now ask for prayer. I am in desperate need for a change in heart (or mind, rather). Appearance should not be the first thing I observe in people, as I hope it wouldnt be for myself either. I dont want people to admire my clothing or my hair, I want my love for God and man to radiate through me and flow out from me.

No Greater Sin

    I was brought up to think that some sins were worse than others. For example, murder was one of the greastest sins. But more relating to the Christian life, sex before marraige was the worst sin you could commit. That being said, I concluded that I wanted a husband who kept himself physically pure for me...as I, too, am staying physically pure for him. Further, if I fell inlove and found out he wasnt a virgin, I wouldnt marry him.
   
    Just like the prodigal son story; why should I forgive someone when I've been out in the field working for the Lord while theyre off wasting their life and totally going against the Lord? Not untill this week was I enlightened on this matter.
   
    Its one thing to tell yourself you will forgive someone, but to actually do it is harder. My brother was telling me that peoples past dont matter anymore as long as theyve accepted forgiveness from Christ. The only thing that matters is how far theyve come in their relationship with Christ. Then I asked him the question, "Would you be able to forgive your wife if she wasnt a virgin?" Pausing, clearly lost in a moment of sorrow, he turned to me and responded "...I dont know if I actually could."

    Last night God clearly spoke to me and said that He doesnt care about the sin...He already took care of it on the cross. He cares about the separation. When the prodigal son returned, his father was over-joyed and threw him a massive celebration. Why? Because his son was home. His son was done wasting his life and partaking in sin. Back to my brothers comment, we shouldnt judge people by their past decisions, rather we should see the Christ in them now.

    Sin is not weighed differently...believe it or not. The Bible states "for the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). It doesnt say "for the wages of (this specific sin) is death." It says SIN...which includes every sin.

    When the time comes for me to look my husband in the eyes and tell him everything Ive done, I will confidently be able to tell him that I have never held hands with another guy, kissed a guy, and that I saved myself all for him. However, God reminded me that my other sin is equally as bad. Yes, I didnt give in to physical temptations, but emotionally? Thats a different story. Again, the Bible addresses this, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman [or man] lustfully has already committed adultery with her [him] in his [her] heart" (Matthew 5:28).

    My biggest prayer is that I would be able to forgive not only my future husbands sins but also that I would be able to forgive my friends sins, or a strangers sin. 

    Once again, when God spoke to me the other night, a miracle happened. God performed a miracle in my heart. After years of not being able to forgive (a certain person), I felt my entire being and my heart completely and fully forgive this person. Its the greatest feeling in the world when you experience total forgiveness...of which I hope I can have with everyone in my life.

But not Humanly Love

Valentine’s Day. Perfect day for another post about love. I know I’ve posted my question about “what is love” before, but this post is different.

I wanted a fairytale relationship. The kind where the second I saw him, I would realize it was love. His perfect, stunning looks, incomparable personality,  imagining all of the secret letters we’d pass back and forth, the gifts he’d buy me, movie inspired dates, perfect everything really… all the while getting obnoxious butterflies every time I’d see him. Needless to say, my standards were set high…or low if I thought that was all love could offer.  

Upon dealing with my conflicting emotions, I came to a realization…or more so, an answered prayer. While sitting on a wheel-y table in the stock room at work, the Lord clearly spoke and told me that the root of all my problems was not because I hadn’t experienced the humanly, movie quality love. No, the real problem was that I hadn’t spent enough time with God to experience eternal, unconditional, absolutely perfect love He has to offer.

Motivated to experience this love, I started reading my bible more, allowing the scripture to fill my entire being. I spent time praying. Praying for Christ to rid the ugly standards I had set, praying for my future husband, praying for friends, family, and strangers. I found that by doing this, my heart had been enlarged and I cared for and loved people more than I had before.

Christ’s love isn’t selfish or shallow, so why should my love be? How can we expect people to love if we don’t love them back? Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, does not boast, it doesn’t delight in evil, it always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

To continue talking about relationships…marriage now mainly…my hope and desire now is that Christ would transform me into the godly woman He wants…a patient, pure, and persevering wife…and ultimately showing boundless love to friends, enemies, and strangers.

Because God is and always will be my first love, I expect my husband to reflect all of the same qualities He has shown to me.

So happy Valentine’s Day to my future husband…but more importantly to God, the Author of love.

Empowered Through and by Christ

    For the past four days, I attended a church conference, studying the book of Ephesians (in the Bible) with fellow brothers and sisters from around the country (and Canada). This conference time happens twice a year and never fails to bring me closer to God. As a little back-story, my first semester of college brought me so much closer to Christ already but I wanted more. I prayed and had faith that God would soften and work in my heart, as well as others', and He sure did. All (or most) of us definitely experienced the "Spirit of wisdom and revelation" this week through small groups, messages, worship time, and conversations. I will do the best I can to gather all of my thoughts together, so everything makes sense, and will try not to leave everything out. Here are my notes:

    Ephesians 1: Verse 3 talks about spiritual blessings. the root of all our problems comes from our spiritual life. But God gave us every spiritual blessing there is! ..hard to believe right? So therefore, we must be right with God, turn to our Spirit, and our "problems" will be "fixed".
    Verse 4 says "He chose us in Him before the creation of the world"...meaning, before He even made heaven and earth, He chose us to be holy and blameless in His sight. You think you have "blemishes"? Well God doesnt. He sees us as someone better than we think we are.
    Verses 5 and 6 proclaim that He has a purpose for us. He already knows what the outcome of our decisions are and will be. He has a purpose for me, hallelujah! He is capable of reaching out an changing our hearts. Gods grace is glorious. He can take someone completely against Him and change their heart..thats glory to Him..and grace. He knows who we are, what our problems and short comings were before they ever happened, even before we were born. He has chosen for you, what your life is about. Where do we fit in life? We know why some things happen but are confused as to why other things happen. God knows, so we dont have to worry! Amen.
    Ephesians 2: Verses 1-10 are about satisfying the desires of the flesh. Before, we lived in our sin. We were trapped in it..the desires of our flesh and of our mind. God chose us, him, her..why? We dont understand because we arent God. He wants us and wants to create a masterpiece. There is no limit to His mercy and grace. His love is so great, so limitless yet we tend to put God in a box and think He is capable of only so much. Not true. He isnt limited by time or space. His riches are immeasurable..wow.
    God raised us up and seated us with Him. We arent the same and shouldnt live the same way we used to. Our "old man" was destroyed and now we have become a "new man". Therefore, walk in the Light as children of God! However, our "old man" can and still gets corrupted...sadly, we still sometimes give into the desires of the flesh. Everything we do can either be according to our "old man" or according to Christ. Which will you choose?
    The end of chapter 2 talks about how the hostility from the Jews and Gentiles isnt necessarily between them, but rather with God. Both people were not at peace with God so they had to reconcile with Him <---this goes back to how we have problems with things because we arent right with God.
    Ephesians 3: God takes the people from there lowest of low and seats them with Him for His glory. That shows His power, mercy, and glory. Praise be to Him! God can work through anything and with everything.
    Ephesians 4: Christ has given us girts to use and to serve the church in a meaningful way. What is my gift? What is your gift? God does not give meaningless gifts or talents, no matter how small they may seem to be. Whether big or small, these gifts are from Christ and He gave them to you to use. So use them! (Little bit of self-help advice) if you dont know what your gift/gifts are, talk to an older saint or friend to help you see what other people see as your gift.
    What are you in relation to what you read in the bible or hear? God wants to put "flesh and bones" on it..meaning, He didnt intend for you to just read the bible and have no reaction or action from it. Live it out!
    Dont be callous, hard-hearted, past having feelings, or trying to find satisfaction in impurity and sin.
    You get to know somones person by spending time with them. You dont just want to be able to list the facts about someone..same way with Christ. Sure, knowing facts is ok, but you want to get to know His person..who Christ is. Our "Spirit of the mind" needs to be renewed and we need to put on the "new man"!
    Ephesians 5: "Be imitators of God"-verse 1. Verses 5-8 talks about impure things. Dont partake of these things! Dont even talk about them; If we are imitators of Christ and people hear us talking about such things or even see us doing them, what image of Christ do they have then? It gives Believers a bad reputation.
    Because we are "children of the light", we should expose these impure things. Just walk by the light. So for example, if you walk by the light, dont partake of these things, and dont talk about them, people will notice that. "When anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible"-verse 13.
    **How can you "walk in love" if your a greedy person? Stop thinking about yourself, concerned with matters pertaining to you, and just love other people!** (this was a side note to myself).

Ephesians also talks about marriage, husbands, and wives. In our small group we didnt even go over the verses, one sister just shared her story and wisdom with us. Heres what she said:
    On the matter of submission, it says "wives submit to your husbands, just as husbands should submit to Christ". Now a lot of women think that submission is a bad thing and this age doesnt do a great job of showing what Christ wants either. Women now a days think that we are equal to men or sometimes more powerful than them. No woman likes to think she is weaker than a man. But thats a fact..we are "weaker". God created man and put him head over all things (Genisis). So when Eve was tempted by Satan to eat thr fruit God told them not to eat, she felt special. Finally someone came to her first before they went to Adam. She was the one to make the decision. Women have the power of persuasion. Satan knew that by going to Eve, Eve could persuade Adam to eat the fruit too. If satan went to Adam, he would have shut Satan down in a second. Now, persuasion can be both good and bad...its a powerful thing that we were given. The way in which women are supposed to persuade their husbands is with Christ. By submitting to her husband (not necessarily being a "slave" to him, rather obeying and trusting that his decisions come from God), she should be an example to him in how he should submit to Christ. Women have the power of persuasion to help their husband continue loving the Lord <---this is a very good thing. *Now I know that by me encouraging brothers (guy friends) to continue loving the Lord, this is what I was "made" to do.*

The last thing I really enjoyed about this week was being with all the saints. We are the body of Christ and the fullness of Him. This explains why I am always so happy to be with everyone and fellowship. I cant even say how much I appreciate and love all the saints. These people are not just my friends, they are my family..my brothers and sisters in Christ. I love and prefer spending time with only them. Even the brothers and sisters I dont know that well, I love them because Christ loves me and He put me with people that He also loves and together we make up the body of Christ.