Restless Soul

The end to my retail career is near (hopefully). In two months this chapter in my life will come to a close, giving me freedom and allowing me to live a Christ-filled summer before the internship starts in the fall. Are you starting to see now the meaning behind the title of this post? Two months. Thats it. 

Working full time doesnt give you "spring break relaxation" so naturally Ive become jealous of those traveling to far away lands, soaking in the sun during their Bahamas cruise, and those simply enjoying endless hours of sleep and chosen laziness. Ive become jealous of other lifestyles, jealous over peoples financial and family situations, asking "when God, when?". Ive put in countless hours at work and my "free days" are spent babysitting...sometimes totaling 12 hour days with hardly a break for sanity to wash through (I love these kids though, dont get me wrong). If the Lord knows every desire in our hearts then surely He knows Ive been dying to break away and see the wonders Hes created. One by one these opportunities fall into the hands of someone other than me. What do I have to do to earn this privilege? Do I have to "follow the Lord relentlessly and He will give you the desires of your heart"? get a third job so I can physically earn it myself? or do I simply just "have faith" that everything I want to do will happen one day?

I know some agree that not being in school is a blessing and theyre right in most ways...no boring lectures, no impossible tests, no homework, etc. Others say living at home is a blessing too...home cooked meals, no rent, no bills, etc. Unfortunately my 19 year old restless soul doesnt quite agree with that though. Living at home doesnt offer the adventure that living independently does. My soul is longing for adventure, craving it.

You who are reading this are most likely shaking your heads thinking "shes young and inexperienced, she doesnt know how blessed she is, she doesnt know what the real worlds like". Well maybe so, but my apology is that I'm sorry God created a soul that lives for the thrill of adventure, appreciates the world He created, and needs independence for a while. 

This retail job cant contain my soul anymore but it has to unfortunately. Maybe I need patience. Though how does one acquire patience after a life lived restlessly and in the moment before? I think the Lord has more work to do in me than I want to admit.